Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
