I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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