So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
