Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
