you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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