I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
