that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
