if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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