Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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