im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
