worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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