You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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