Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
