That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
