things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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