We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
