Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
