Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
