she woke up with a sticky ear
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
