I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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