I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
