Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
