you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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