Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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