I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
