My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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