a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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