and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
