He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
