The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
