There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
