My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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