I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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