we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
