you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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