Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
