I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
