Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
