then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please, let me fuck your mom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
