also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
