You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
