Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
