i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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