Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
