Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
