i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
