I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wear drunk well.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
