hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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