you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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