Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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