i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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