It's Friday. Sex?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
