So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
