If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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