Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
