I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
hell yes lets make some ravioli
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you