onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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