he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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