yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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