now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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