I need help removing her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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