what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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