I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He passed out mid-signature
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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