batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
