thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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