Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
