he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
