I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
