I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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