I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
