Your tits are I can't wait for
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
