I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
