White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
