Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
