your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
