I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
