Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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