I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
