I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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