pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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