I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
