I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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